Though we don’t live in the era of white gloves and the King’s English anymore, we certainly are not too modern to have retained some basic, common manners. It’s National Common Courtesy Day on March 21st, so let's celebrate with this article where you’ll find manners that every child should be taught until they've mastered them. Basic common courtesy seems to be a thing of the past, so besides the basic please and thank you, let's bring these old friends back up to the present, starting with ten basic tips to teach kids!
1.No interrupting. This is a big one at our house! There is something innately annoying about a brash, interrupting child. Train children not to interrupt two people who are speaking unless it is an emergency. Younger ones should be trained to enter the room, say excuse me once and then wait. Older children can be taught to just enter the room and wait, knowing that you are aware of their presence. (Remember to set a good example by saying excuse me to the person you are speaking to as well) and then turn your full attention to your child. Sometimes, if it takes a moment of their patience, reach out and hold their hand or discreetly hold one finger up in a “just one more moment” gesture making them aware that you know they are waiting.
2. No hitting or name calling, ever. You think it’s a given that children know not to hit or name call? We often play games with kids that encourage hitting or name calling! Even if it's in "fun", too much rough housing or “playful” hitting, picking and name calling can hurt. Teach kids that unless both people think it’s funny, it’s not funny. Institute a zero-tolerance rule for teasing, hitting and name calling of any kind.
3.Step up your game when someone comes over. When a guest arrives at your home, teach kids to stand and/or come to the door or to the guest to say hello. It is always a good idea to teach kids to shake hands properly and to always smile, make eye contact and offer a beverage. Further, if a child enters the home after a guest has already arrived, teach them that it is never okay to walk through a room without acknowledging the guest and stopping to greet them.
4.Good sportsmanship. Oh my. I cannot tell you how we need to teach kids this today. Start when you break out Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders. Teach kids to say “Good game!” enthusiastically after a loss. No moping. No complaining. And above all, no quitting. Of course, no one likes to lose but if you train them well in the beginning, even if they have to “fake it ‘til they make it”, you will give them a life lesson that will serve them well. It’s also a good idea to discourage the “TD” dance if they win. Rubbing a win in someone’s face is just as bad as being a sore loser.
5. Learn to take a compliment. This is such an easy one and yet, few can manage it. Teach kids to simply say “thank you” when offered a compliment. Self deprecation is not appropriate.
6.Opening doors for others. How many of us have been following someone out the door of a public building only to have the door swing back in our faces when someone didn’t look back to see if we were there? Teach kids to always be aware of who is around them when entering a building and to look back when exiting. Holding the door for others whether coming or going is the right thing to do, every time.
7. Respect differences. To Santa Claus or not to Santa Claus…is that the question? Actually no, that’s not really the question. The question is what will your child do when another child brings the subject up and they've been taught differently? Respecting differences is so, so important. Point out to kids that different people believe different things and that is OKAY. Let them know that families have their own traditions and beliefs and that judgment has no place in any relationship. Older kids can be taught diplomacy as well, so as not to dash the beliefs of another.
8. Table Manners . Let me digress a bit on this one. One time when I was a older teen and had begun dating, I brought home a boy to meet my parents. I remember thinking they wouldn’t like him because he had a leather jacket. My mother however, was oddly gracious and invited him out to dinner with us that night. After dinner, he went home and for a reason I was not sure of, I was not interested after that. A few years later my mother retold the story to me. She knew that taking him out to dinner would knock him out of the running based on the fact that I had been taught table manners and he had not. She was right and I hadn’t even realized it until she told me. Seem harsh? Not really. If you are one of those families where kids (and often adults!) chew with their mouths open, smacks their food, picks their teeth, blows their nose, scrapes their dishes or burps loudly at the table, do us all a favor. Stay locked in your house. Or if you prefer, train your kids (and yourself if needed) these basic table manners. It will save them (and their dinner partners) a lot of embarrassment later.
9. Say please and thank you. Okay, okay. I admit I hauled these out even though they are standard. Why? Because too many kids don’t actually say “May I please have a glass of water?” Instead, they say, “I’m thirsty.” Or “can you get me a glass of water?” Uh, no. I cannot. Until you ask properly, that is. Please and thank you really ARE the magic words.
10. The Big D! My all time favorite life lesson. When in doubt, defer. Defer, defer, defer. You will never come to harm by deferring. Letting the other person go first, choose first, be first. When you defer, you are acting on the single most important golden rule of common courtesy, you are preferring others before yourself.
